Christmas Blessings

The past few months have been both a time of remaining still as well as a time of transition.  After arriving from Australia in July, we needed to circle the wagons and be still...resting in God's timing and will... one day at a time.  Having a safe place to land and gain perspective was a wonderful blessing for our family...My Mom and Dad took very good care of us and we are so very thankful...

A beautiful fresh 11ft Noble Fir to enjoy over the Christmas Season!

Grandma and Grandpa came from Idaho for a visit...

  

After several months of treatment in California, 

the end of the year has brought my husband to a new job in Seattle, Washington... 

and a new home for all of us...

We begin again... 

a new journey... 

living out a new "normal" ...

day by day.

 A wonderful day out with Grandma, my sister and I took mom and the girls to the Nutcracker!

 An intro to Australian AFL Christmas for Dad, Uncle Chris and Josh!

Abby and Sarah working on decorating a Gingerbread house...

 The finished product...

Each day is a gift and a miracle...for all of us!  We are filled with hope as the New Year approaches and we give thanks for all that God has done, and will do, through our experience...  

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope".  

Romans 15:13  ESV

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him."

James 1:12 ESV

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope..."

Romans 5:3-4 ESV

Thanksgiving

As we open the door to the Holiday season... It is so appropriate that we begin it with Thanksgiving on our lips and deep within in our hearts...

 Our Girls are growing more beautiful every day...

Organic Turkey and Pecan Pie... Amazing!

 Growing boys... ready to eat!

This season brings with it a sense of grateful perspective...

We are so Thankful for the hand of God working in our lives to bring us lasting peace and joy.

This year we were blessed to share the day with my Sister and her family... They graciously welcomed us into their home and blessed us with a wonderful day...

 Happy Thanksgiving!

On Living One Day at a Time

This past week, we finished up my fourth round of Chemotherapy... All seems to be going well and we are encouraged by my most recent scans that show a reduction in the overall cancer in my liver and breast.  No new cancer has spread and we are so thankful for this encouragement...

Our day to day life has changed so much from just a few short months ago.

Life was full and busy with doing the things that we all do... maintaining home, family, friends, work, church and school.    It was a bit chaotic and yet, we enjoyed each day as it came...the trials in life were always brewing but we dealt with them as they hit...




And then cancer came into our lives in a dramatic way...and it has been a bit of a different kind challenge for our family...one that has forced us to accept a very different reality in our day to day life.  As a result, our week centers around each cycle of chemotherapy and we don't know from one day to the next how it will go.  Emotions run a bit ragged at times and I am always a bit more fragile and tired than I ever used to be.  Mostly, it is a daily exercise of just getting through each day...and trusting ever more on my Lord and Savior.

A hint of autumn in the California sun...

Life in the fast lane can be like riding a roller coaster...that never lets you off for a break!  For a lot of us, we don't realize how truly fragile life is...

It does, in some ways, feel good to have stepped away from the tyranny of the urgent.  God has given us a unique opportunity to rest and refocus.  It has forced us to re-think how we live as a family and has challenged us to REALLY live with a day to day perspective instead of  living as if tomorrow is a given.  

Sarah and Thomas' ride on the Roller Coaster at the Santa Monica Pier

Over the past few weeks I have been doing a lot of soul searching and praying...and, these are the questions that have risen to the forefront of my mind as we move forward... One day at at time:

Are we living by faith, trusting God to provide day by day?  Or are we making our own way without thinking of the consequences because we are just too busy to think?

Are we living in grace, loving and mentoring our children? Or are we too tired to stop and work things out slowly and methodically with them?

Are we living in a place of obedience as we look to our Savior for our wisdom and strength? Or instead  are we living in fear or even self-driven will?

Are we living in as state of Thanksgiving for all that God has done for us and will do in our lives... day by day... moment by moment?  Or are we focused on all the negative things that seem to constantly nag and draw us to a place of discontentment?

Are we seeking to bless others in our life through our thoughts, words and actions?  Or are we focused only on ourselves and what makes us feel good?

Are we living in a state of Joy?  That deep joy... amidst uncertain and painful circumstances...the kind that bears and trusts and hopes in all things... knowing that in due time we will bear fruit again...



True joy is found on resting in God's sovereign will... and He has obviously willed this season in our lives... and we are ever thankful for His provision and His direction as we move forward with a future that includes a new and very different day to day perspective.

Our days of recent have been focused on rest and family...We have spent time visiting my Grandpa... he just had open heart surgery and is in the midst of recovery... It was a joy to spend a few hours with him on our way into town...

 Last month, we took the kids down to the Santa Monica Pier for a bit of fun and they enjoyed the Coney Island style carnival park!

Fishing on the Pier... in Santa Monica...

Thomas was very excited to find the Police Station on the Pier... and immediately made friends! 

Thomas learning about the squad car... he literally made the police man show him how everything worked... including the hand cuffs!

His mercies are new every morning... and life is filled with opportunity to bring Glory to God in so many ways even in times of weakness.  Our lives are in God's hands...and we have been living it in the abundance of the strength that has been given anew each new day... some days are difficult and sown in tears... yet others are filled with life giving activity and laughter... in all of it, God provides richly for our needs... one day at a time...

"Oh Where... is My Hairbrush?"

One of the biggest signs of going through chemotherapy for a woman has to be the loss of hair...

For me it has been a bit of an emotional letting go of what has been my unique person...a thick head of long hair has always covered my head.   My children have also suffered to watch the loss of my hair and it has indeed caused a bit of stress for them.  It also outward evidence that I am fighting a hidden enemy within my body, cancer... It's real now.

My first step was to save my long hair for another...I could not imagine letting it literally go down the drain. Sarah and I went to a local hair salon and donated my locks to the charity "Locks of Love". They make wigs for children going through cancer treatments and who suffer from permanent loss of hair.  It felt good to do something positive with a pretty negative situation...it made it worth while.

The next step was waiting...

My hair took its time and did not fall out until week three following my first chemotherapy treatment...one day, as I brushed, it started...hair came out in hand fulls in the shower...for about a day or two I put up with it as it began to thin...many of you know my hair is very thick...it took about three or four days before I started looking like a mangy old cat.

Taking matters into my own hands, we (my dad) shaved the rest off.  It just felt better to be free of it.



  Now I wear a new look...I'm a hat person now...

 A Romantic Dinner Out with Hubby

...and a little bit gypsy some days too! 

 My Second Round of Chemotherapy...

This weekend we realized that Thomas had been slowly cutting off  bits of his hair over several days... Each day he cut off more and more...so he could be like mommy... So after he cut a near bald spot off the top of his head...we made the realization (he was hiding his hair in the closet)...we gave him a nice close buzz in solidarity... It truly is a blessing to be loved so much.
 

I just love this little Boy...

There are pros to having a bald head...you don't have to spend any money on hair care products...or salon visits... and you don't have to spend any time brushing or styling hair...none.   And you can get your children to message your head with oil any time... It's wonderful.

In spite of all the pros...I do miss my hair... It will grow back...and I am thankful for that.

For now I will try to embrace the new me... I am fearfully and wonderfully made...God is pruning me so that I will grow more in His likeness... And for this I am thankful and ultimately how I can find joy in even this small trial.

Cancer and the Parting of the Pacific Ocean

Learning of my diagnosis of stage IV Breast Cancer was quite an overwhelming realization.

The very first night, after spending all day in the ER, thinking I was having gallbladder trouble...

I found myself left alone in an ancient hospital bed...in a room with three other male patients...in a public hospital...in North Sydney.

My mind whirled with confusion and deep despair as to what this diagnosis meant for my family.  Sleep never came for me...tears flowed.

When you find yourself in desperation...where do you turn?

I turn to Jesus.  He is my source of strength in time of weakness.  I began to pray and pour out my heart to my Lord and Savior.  I told Him my fears...my concerns...my desperate need for peace amidst this very uncertain future...my need to have a tangible and very present hand from God in my current situation.  He gave me this assurance deep within my heart..."I will never leave you nor forsake you..." 

Morning came early...along with my husband...who brought my Bible in hand and my favorite devotional book written by Charles Spugeon, "Morning and Evening".   It's an oldie, but rich with wisdom written by a man who walked with God.

As I opened the morning passage it lead me to Exodus chapter 14:13-14.

... "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

The words seemed to jump off the page..."Do not be afraid..stand firm...I will deliver you...you need only be still... "  the devotional that followed was just what I needed.  A reminder that God is sovereign over all... and will fight for me in my time of need... just like He did for the nation of Israel at the parting of the Red Sea long ago.

  The Sun Setting over the Pacific Ocean in Santa Monica, California

As I rested in this fact, a stream of Doctors, and diagnostic testing began to occur...I was moved to the private hospital in record speed, a pure miracle by Australian standards.  We were amazed at how God began to unfold this new chapter in our lives... miracle after miracle began to unfold and all we needed to do was be still and watch.

Pastor Cole and his wife Sally, two of many who helped encourage us and to help us pack for our journey...A wonderful memory of our church family at St. Thomas Anglican Church in North Sydney.

Our Australian and Consular friends rallied around our family with so much support...we wanted for nothing and were so blessed to watch the hands of God at work... tangible evidence of God's love for our family was poured out through the love of so many.  It was truly remarkable and a blessing beyond all measure... I did not have to lift a finger as our friends packed our family in 24 hours to head for an indefinite amount of time to the United States...

In less than one week, I was diagnosed, had every diagnostic test in hand, and was fully prepared to be Medically Evacuated to the United States to begin treatment with one of the leading doctors in the nation for the exact type of cancer I have.  Not only that, but the newest "miracle" drug has literally just been approved by the FDA to actually fight (and has the potential to perhaps cure) the type of stage IV breast cancer I have been diagnosed with.

As we flew across the Pacific Ocean... I just marveled as I realized... this was a journey so unexpected... so painful... Yet, so amazing and wonderful at the same time.  Our lives are truly changed forever... the future is very uncertain... yet... we are learning to walk one day at a time... being still for now... and watching God work His glory in even this situation.

I am confident of one thing...The Lord will fight for me, I need only be still.
 

Our family in Palm Springs... resting at Grandma and Grandpa's home...one day after my first Chemotherapy Treatment

The Sydney Bridge

A couple of weeks ago we awoke to the most glorious sunny winter day in Sydney...  The sky was magnificent and the air was crisp... energized by the beauty we donned our walking shoes and headed to embark on a family adventure... crossing the Sydney Bridge by foot!

It felt invigorating to explore the object we have driven over many a day... by bus, train, taxi, car...we have also gazed under it's mass from the view of a ferry boat taxing us to and fro.  It is the main bridge that connects the city center of Sydney with the North Side of  residential Sydney and beyond.  A hub of traffic and an Icon of  historic Sydney.

The bridge was designed and built by British firm Dorman Long and Co Ltd of Middlesbrough and opened in 1932.  Interestingly, the bridge's design was influenced by the Hell Gate Bridge in New York.^[5] According to the Guinness World Records, it is the world's widest long-span bridge.^[6] It is also the fifth longest spanning-arch bridge in the world, and it is the tallest steel arch bridge, measuring 134 metres (440 ft) from top to water level.

 

As I was walking across the bridge, I thought to myself... "why have we not done this before?"  What came to mind next was the thought... "oh yes... it's because we are not tourists in this Sydney... Sydney... is our home..." At that moment, I actually felt so special to live in such an amazing place...I said a prayer of thanks giving and drunk in the goodness of that moment...looking over at the Harbor... the beauty...the masses of people and just life in a vibrant city filled with character and charm.

Bridges are transitions... they span the gap of the unknown and take us another side... a different perspective.  They tie two places together and they open the opportunity to journey further beyond the comfort to horizons beyond to explore.

The bridge is central to an old Historic area known as "the Rocks"...

 it is a very charming area full of history to explore....

When one crosses a bridge, we often don't even think about what is on the other side... yet, for some a purposeful moment might make a difference between how we respond to what the lies on the other side of the bridge... sometimes the path leads to a very tentative and confusing place...have you ever found yourself on the wrong side of the tracks?  What do you do then?   We often flee... in hopes of getting to a safe place. 

 A night out with my hubby... we enjoyed a lovely dinner and a romantic walk under our bridge...dreaming together...

Later this same week, our family learned that I have stage IV breast cancer.  The bridge we crossed that day seemed to be the wrong side of the tracks!  Everything seemed to come to a complete halt and we sat for  a moment stunned.

Sometimes, the first thing you need to do is stop and be still... not flee.

I sat alone in a hospital bed, sharing my heart with my Lord and Savior... and, He ministered to me in such a powerful way... He promised me He would never leave me nor forsake me and He gave me peace... to Journey on... in hope and in Joy...




If you are reading my heart words right now... I just want to share with you that this is not the beginning of  my Journey.  Several years ago, I began to wrestle in my soul over what true Christian Joy was and if I even had it... God brought me through an amazing and difficult journey... and through it... I gained wisdom and strength through deep personal trial and pain.  IT was not fun...yet it was refining and changed my outlook on life forever.

The vision statement I committed myself to when I created this little blog?  Let me reiterate it right here "Joy is found in RESTING in God's Sovereignty".  Not in our circumstances... not in safety... not in people..not in our children... not in things... and certainly not in living in perfection or in perfect health.  It's all about bringing Glory to God through our lives... and all that God brings us through... the good and the bad... draws us close to him in a powerful life transforming way.  Comfort and pain join in unison when we seek to look beyond ourselves and REST in God's will for our lives.  I have been seeking this for many years... a closeness with God that when the sea of life churns with all it's force... it is still well with my soul.

I want to share with all who want to listen that God is pouring His love and tenderness out of my soul and through my circumstances and I have seen His work and His miracles and His Power more in the last 10 days of my life than ever before.   It is energizing and powerful!  I feel so Joy filled I can't contain myself!  I feel sadness too...I am struggling with lots and lots of real raw emotions... it's a roller coaster... but the peace I feel when I rest it at the feet of Jesus... it is pure and real.




This bridge was not in the plan...our plan... but God has brought it and it must be good... and so we Journey on in Joy... knowing that ALL things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to His purposes... (Romans 8:28)

My Journey is just begun...walking hand and hand with my Savior... I have so much more to share...I can't wait to write the story!

^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4

Nine Years Old

This morning Thomas awoke and dawdled out of his room... after a big Birthday hug, the first words out of his mouth were said with a hint of disappointment, "Mommy, my voice has not changed...".  I guess he thought he would become a bit more manly today, after all, he is officially 9 years old.  I told him he needed to wait a few more years...

A Birthday Pancake!

A Birthday Cake... and good friends to share it with.

Opening gifts with the Grandma Linda and Pop Pop Jake via Skype chat... 

A wonderful way to keep close while we are so far away...

A Very Happy Birthday! 

Back in Sydney

We are back home in Sydney!

We finished up our trip by taking the coastal route...south out of  Surfer's Paradise... through Byron Bay... the eastern most corner of Australia...down to Coffs Harbor.  It was a very rainy day, but we still found snippets of calm in the midst of the storm....

 Byron Bay out on the Cape

 We saw lots of banana plantations as we drove...

Coffs Harbor is where we found the "Big Banana"...quiet an interesting sight!  

 Apparently, this area along the coast is a large banana producing region. 

 
Our final day of driving we headed a bit more inland with a straight shot to Sydney!  Very beautiful countryside... filled with farms and lush green coastal forests.



Home is always sweet when you have been away for a while... and we are certainly thankful for all the opportunities we have enjoyed over the past few days!