Cancer and the Parting of the Pacific Ocean

Learning of my diagnosis of stage IV Breast Cancer was quite an overwhelming realization.

The very first night, after spending all day in the ER, thinking I was having gallbladder trouble...

I found myself left alone in an ancient hospital bed...in a room with three other male patients...in a public hospital...in North Sydney.

My mind whirled with confusion and deep despair as to what this diagnosis meant for my family.  Sleep never came for me...tears flowed.

When you find yourself in desperation...where do you turn?

I turn to Jesus.  He is my source of strength in time of weakness.  I began to pray and pour out my heart to my Lord and Savior.  I told Him my fears...my concerns...my desperate need for peace amidst this very uncertain future...my need to have a tangible and very present hand from God in my current situation.  He gave me this assurance deep within my heart..."I will never leave you nor forsake you..." 

Morning came early...along with my husband...who brought my Bible in hand and my favorite devotional book written by Charles Spugeon, "Morning and Evening".   It's an oldie, but rich with wisdom written by a man who walked with God.

As I opened the morning passage it lead me to Exodus chapter 14:13-14.

... "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

The words seemed to jump off the page..."Do not be afraid..stand firm...I will deliver you...you need only be still... "  the devotional that followed was just what I needed.  A reminder that God is sovereign over all... and will fight for me in my time of need... just like He did for the nation of Israel at the parting of the Red Sea long ago.

  The Sun Setting over the Pacific Ocean in Santa Monica, California

As I rested in this fact, a stream of Doctors, and diagnostic testing began to occur...I was moved to the private hospital in record speed, a pure miracle by Australian standards.  We were amazed at how God began to unfold this new chapter in our lives... miracle after miracle began to unfold and all we needed to do was be still and watch.

Pastor Cole and his wife Sally, two of many who helped encourage us and to help us pack for our journey...A wonderful memory of our church family at St. Thomas Anglican Church in North Sydney.

Our Australian and Consular friends rallied around our family with so much support...we wanted for nothing and were so blessed to watch the hands of God at work... tangible evidence of God's love for our family was poured out through the love of so many.  It was truly remarkable and a blessing beyond all measure... I did not have to lift a finger as our friends packed our family in 24 hours to head for an indefinite amount of time to the United States...

In less than one week, I was diagnosed, had every diagnostic test in hand, and was fully prepared to be Medically Evacuated to the United States to begin treatment with one of the leading doctors in the nation for the exact type of cancer I have.  Not only that, but the newest "miracle" drug has literally just been approved by the FDA to actually fight (and has the potential to perhaps cure) the type of stage IV breast cancer I have been diagnosed with.

As we flew across the Pacific Ocean... I just marveled as I realized... this was a journey so unexpected... so painful... Yet, so amazing and wonderful at the same time.  Our lives are truly changed forever... the future is very uncertain... yet... we are learning to walk one day at a time... being still for now... and watching God work His glory in even this situation.

I am confident of one thing...The Lord will fight for me, I need only be still.
 

Our family in Palm Springs... resting at Grandma and Grandpa's home...one day after my first Chemotherapy Treatment

The Sydney Bridge

A couple of weeks ago we awoke to the most glorious sunny winter day in Sydney...  The sky was magnificent and the air was crisp... energized by the beauty we donned our walking shoes and headed to embark on a family adventure... crossing the Sydney Bridge by foot!

It felt invigorating to explore the object we have driven over many a day... by bus, train, taxi, car...we have also gazed under it's mass from the view of a ferry boat taxing us to and fro.  It is the main bridge that connects the city center of Sydney with the North Side of  residential Sydney and beyond.  A hub of traffic and an Icon of  historic Sydney.

The bridge was designed and built by British firm Dorman Long and Co Ltd of Middlesbrough and opened in 1932.  Interestingly, the bridge's design was influenced by the Hell Gate Bridge in New York.^[5] According to the Guinness World Records, it is the world's widest long-span bridge.^[6] It is also the fifth longest spanning-arch bridge in the world, and it is the tallest steel arch bridge, measuring 134 metres (440 ft) from top to water level.

 

As I was walking across the bridge, I thought to myself... "why have we not done this before?"  What came to mind next was the thought... "oh yes... it's because we are not tourists in this Sydney... Sydney... is our home..." At that moment, I actually felt so special to live in such an amazing place...I said a prayer of thanks giving and drunk in the goodness of that moment...looking over at the Harbor... the beauty...the masses of people and just life in a vibrant city filled with character and charm.

Bridges are transitions... they span the gap of the unknown and take us another side... a different perspective.  They tie two places together and they open the opportunity to journey further beyond the comfort to horizons beyond to explore.

The bridge is central to an old Historic area known as "the Rocks"...

 it is a very charming area full of history to explore....

When one crosses a bridge, we often don't even think about what is on the other side... yet, for some a purposeful moment might make a difference between how we respond to what the lies on the other side of the bridge... sometimes the path leads to a very tentative and confusing place...have you ever found yourself on the wrong side of the tracks?  What do you do then?   We often flee... in hopes of getting to a safe place. 

 A night out with my hubby... we enjoyed a lovely dinner and a romantic walk under our bridge...dreaming together...

Later this same week, our family learned that I have stage IV breast cancer.  The bridge we crossed that day seemed to be the wrong side of the tracks!  Everything seemed to come to a complete halt and we sat for  a moment stunned.

Sometimes, the first thing you need to do is stop and be still... not flee.

I sat alone in a hospital bed, sharing my heart with my Lord and Savior... and, He ministered to me in such a powerful way... He promised me He would never leave me nor forsake me and He gave me peace... to Journey on... in hope and in Joy...




If you are reading my heart words right now... I just want to share with you that this is not the beginning of  my Journey.  Several years ago, I began to wrestle in my soul over what true Christian Joy was and if I even had it... God brought me through an amazing and difficult journey... and through it... I gained wisdom and strength through deep personal trial and pain.  IT was not fun...yet it was refining and changed my outlook on life forever.

The vision statement I committed myself to when I created this little blog?  Let me reiterate it right here "Joy is found in RESTING in God's Sovereignty".  Not in our circumstances... not in safety... not in people..not in our children... not in things... and certainly not in living in perfection or in perfect health.  It's all about bringing Glory to God through our lives... and all that God brings us through... the good and the bad... draws us close to him in a powerful life transforming way.  Comfort and pain join in unison when we seek to look beyond ourselves and REST in God's will for our lives.  I have been seeking this for many years... a closeness with God that when the sea of life churns with all it's force... it is still well with my soul.

I want to share with all who want to listen that God is pouring His love and tenderness out of my soul and through my circumstances and I have seen His work and His miracles and His Power more in the last 10 days of my life than ever before.   It is energizing and powerful!  I feel so Joy filled I can't contain myself!  I feel sadness too...I am struggling with lots and lots of real raw emotions... it's a roller coaster... but the peace I feel when I rest it at the feet of Jesus... it is pure and real.




This bridge was not in the plan...our plan... but God has brought it and it must be good... and so we Journey on in Joy... knowing that ALL things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to His purposes... (Romans 8:28)

My Journey is just begun...walking hand and hand with my Savior... I have so much more to share...I can't wait to write the story!

^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  James 1:2-4